I wrote this back in 2019 when I had two very small children in Tokyo and my husband travelled a lot for work.
Although we are out of many of these smaller “family stages” many of my copying strategies remain the same.
THIS IS MY ARTICLE ON THE MINI CULTURE SHOCKS* I EXPERIENCED IN JAPAN AS A PARENT AND HOW WE WORKED IT ALL OUT – JAPAN IS EXCELLENT FOR FAMILIES (THE BEST, ACTUALLY) BUT IT JUST LOOKS DIFFERENT AT FIRST
*I went through most of my culture shock in Japan at 15-16 years old while studying in Japan as an exchange student – however, when I moved to Japan with two very small children I was quite cocky – I mean, I speak the language, know how to be mindful and culturally respectful etc. – so this would be easy right? It did actually take me a little longer than I expected to find our groove so I wanted to walk you through how we have made it work.
Read here if you’d like to see more about how I found culture shock hit me as a student and then as an employee in my twenties in Japan – and why I’ll never ever just blow off anyone’s feelings of discomfort during this difficult stage of adjusting to life overseas.
This is big step for me – writing about parts I’ve found difficult, at least at first, about life in Tokyo with kids. Mainly because, in case you can’t tell from all of my posts, I adore Tokyo and find it to be such a fun and convenient city. ie. my pro’s on living in Tokyo list iswaaaaay longer. I also feel very defensive about Japan and Japanese culture – maybe because I have lived here so long or maybe it is just because I was really floored by my culture shock a long time ago and I needed to slowly come around to understanding why certain things are done a particular way.
However, there were some things that took a little while to adjust to. So I thought I would share these points and what we do, as a family, to make them feel a little less tricky.
Things just look different from the outside and that’s why it takes a minute to get used to.
When we moved to Tokyo I’d already lived a total of 8+ years in Japan (down in the Okayama & Hyogo Prefectures) and, I’ll admit, I was oh-so cocky!
“I speak the language, I’m conscious of the social & cultural norms, I won’t need any help (this point says more probably about my personality than anything else) and I completed that horrid mandatory session of culture shock already ” was what ran through my head at different points of the packing-up process.
Fast forward 3 weeks?
I was crying down the phone to my Hubby because I couldn’t work out how to get any nappies at my closest drugstore as they were on the second floor and my gigantic double stroller (for help choosing which stroller to bring read my post here ) was down on the first with two crying little ones.
I now also know lots about buying diapers/nappies in Japan too – if you’d like to have a read.
Some of my adjustment was, admittedly, just the whole ‘oh my god, now I have to keep 2 kids alive at once’ thing. But a few months later we found our groove and friends who could help with the short cuts. I also just came to terms with the things I’d just have to accept and were going to be a bit more difficult.
I like to joke that “pre-kids in Japan” me knew the cool bars & cafes (I worked in hotels etc. ) whereas now I’m the master of the change tables and elevators locations. Wild, yes?!
The trains
Before the Olympics in Tokyo – did you know that many stations didn’t actually have elevators? Thank goodness that has changed now. One of the easiest ways to get around this is use google maps and change the settings to “wheelchair accessible” – you may need to walk a few more minutes to the other end of the platform but it is a game changer – especially for me when I take the trains alone with my kids.
I explain all the ways that google maps is elite in Japan – especially for when travelling with children- here.
The public transport system in Japan is like no other! It’s safe and clean AND ALWAYS RELIABLE and not half as crowded as everyone imagines. You can completely avoid travelling in peak hour with kids by reading my tips here – I’ve NEVER had to be in a wall to wall squashed train with my kids EVER.
If I had just one child (or if even one of them was in baby carrier or big enough to walk on their own ( my “baby” is a giant human so I couldn’t carry him for long) I don’t think this would be quite as tricky for me but – as my kids are just 23 months apart I still needed (and we walk A LOT so still do) a double stroller.
So that means that when I’m alone and reach the stairs, I often need to take children out of the stroller, make one walk and usually carry another while pulling up a stroller (or relying on a kind stranger or staff member to help with that bit.) Some subways have as many as 6 flights of stairs in a row – that’s a lot of wine and cheese I would need to consume in the late evening to justify all of that work. (!)
Also, I highly recommend walking as much as possible. Tokyo’s city neighbourhoods sound like they are far apart but you’ll be surprised how close they can be. Something to consider? You’ll get more of the “vibe” of different neighbourhoods this way anyway. If it rains we jump in a taxi as you can probably expect to pay about 1000 yen for about 10 -15 minute drive (a bit more at night.)
Here is a list to give you an idea of walking time required…
I have written about all of the strollers we have used in Japan over the years here. The basic rule is – it needs to be light and it needs to be able to fold (so you can put it in the back of a taxi if you need to.)
Keeping taxi options in your back pocket is also a good and realistic option for when you need to make a quick exit at any point. I don’t recommend booking use the Uber app to book BUT I do recommend using it to get an approximate cost (so then you can make an easy exit. )
For example, you’re in Shibuya but your hotel is in Roppongi – google maps tells you that it will take 14 mins and 1 train change to get there & will cost 330 yen per adult. OR the Uber app, shows me it will cost 2800 yen and take 11 mins. Then you can weigh up if it is worth it for you (if someone is having a meltdown – might be the best money you spend all day!)
I have more information on hailing and ordering cabs in Japan here.
The “must be quiet all the time” thing
With tourism booming in Japan – there is also a lot of misinfo booming too. Many people say that children must be completely silent in trains.
Nope. It’s not a rule and it’s not a law.
Speaking quietly is not anything that anyone while even likely tell you off for (this is why many tourists get away with doing whatever they want in Japan as they haven’t stopped to just look around for a second and see what others are doing/not doing.
However, being relatively quiet is the most polite thing to do in Japan – as polite as saying please and thank you.
We just remind our kids that this is the way that most people get around in Japan – this is their downtime on the way to work. So let’s speak quietly. And if we mess up ? We try again tomorrow. I speak in detail about how the whole Japan + noisy kids thing works for us here.
Here are also our family safety rules for Japan.
Here are my tips on train etiquette for kids in Japan.
Carrying the groceries
If you don’t have a car it can be a shock when you consider that you can only purchase as much as you can carry. In Australia I could do a massive shop per week and just buy cans and cans .
This was a new concept when I first moved to Japan as a student. I had to decide between carrying a bag of rice or a few bottles of diet coke! I even considered one of the those granny pull-y bags!
Japan still has a long way to go when it comes to internet shopping too. However, Amazon Japan saves my life a few times a week (how did I ever survive without it? ) That’s how I get my nappies and wipes too……. and almost all supermarkets and fresh produce stores offer free same-day home delivery if you spend a certain amount. So I go to the supermarket, fill my trolley, pay and my groceries meet me at home the same day. My fruit’n’veg man sometimes beats me up the hill!
(You do need to confirm that you are in the store’s delivery zone – of course. ) Note that same day delivery cut-offs are often around 2pm.
In my experience, most supermarkets deliver for purchases over 5000 yen (Maruetsu supermarket, for example, delivers for free for only 1800 yen +)
If you would like to have vegan products including different types of milk and gluten free and vegan options delivered anywhere in Japan, I recommend going to the National Azabu website. This international supermarket is located in Hiroo, Tokyo (you can also, of course, visit in person). You can also order online and have them deliver groceries to you if you are staying in Minato-ku, Tokyo (aka the Minato ward, Tokyo) OR you can have these items delivered anywhere in Japan using the Yamato delivery service (price is from 1200 yen per box of food delivered.) This is one of many reasons to stay at a hotel and not an airbnb in Japan if holidaying in Japan – so that a hotel can accept parcels on your behalf -if you’re super clever, you can order ahead and have a box of low-allergen foods for you arrive the day you check in to your hotel (if you email the hotel ahead – they will put cold items in the fridge for you.) National Azabu in Tokyo stocks almond milk, oat milk, walnut milk, soy milk as well as pistachio milk. Here is my general advice on buying different types of milk in Japan.
Most Japanese people shop in small batches – almost daily.
当日配達は可能ですか？ Is same-day delivery possible?
配達料金はいくらですか？ How much does delivery cost?
See HERE for some other vocab phrases that may be useful during your travels.
Read here for my tips if someone in your family has food allergies or dietary requirements.
Eating out for dinner
We love eating out with our children – regardless of which country we are in. However, in Japan I feel that we need to be more organized with reservations and restaurant selection. I find that this is less of an issue at lunch time so we do try to eat our for lunch as much as possible on weekends. Dinner is also an option -but if you’re feeling nervous (or you just want to save money in Japan) dine out for lunch with kids first.
Please don’t get me wrong, there are lots of lovely restaurants for families here but , unlike Australia, not all restaurants are non-smoking which is pretty much a deal-breaker for me. That is exactly why I started writing my area guides so I can make it clear which restaurants are yummy, kid-friendly and are non-smoking (I also include extra information such as which restaurants have gluten free or vegetarian or vegan options.) Here, for example, is my Shinjuku with kids guide. And here is another guide that just lists kid-friendly restaurants that we love in the Shinjuku area.
In all of my area guides, I specify which restaurants we love that also welcome kids – there are so many good options. There are also “family restaurants” which are like diners which most people suggest for families in travelling to Japan but I think you should have to JUST eat at those places. They are cute and fun and the kids get a toy etc but everyone in the family also deserves to eat real, authentic, delicious Japanese food. For this reason, I have an article called Kid-Friendly Restaurants that don’t feel kid-friendly and another called Restaurants where parents can also try sake when out with kids. I also have whole posts on where to have Omakase dining experiences with Children.
I think the “secret” is really good planning (isn’t it always with kids?) – that way grownups and kids won’t miss out on all the fun activities because everyone is busy (and grumpy) looking for a suitable restaurant. If I know I’m exploring a certain area I try to have a few potential restaurants planned (on completely different sides of an area as we never know where we will end up at mealtimes) and then I feel like we are covered. Check out my area guides – for example here are 35+ restaurants to eat with kids in Shibuya .
Non-customizable meals
This is a big shock for Americans rather than elsewhere but in Japan it is unusual for anyone to ask for alterations to a menu. Therefore, if you do – you will often be told that a restaurant can’t do this and the staff may look puzzled that you are even asking. For this reason, I try and include links to menus and pictures of the food in my area guides so parents can see what the food will look like.
One place that it is especially easy to have customized dishes is at the teppanyaki plate while having teppanyaki with kids OR okonomiyaki. This is because you are seeing the ingredients being added right in front of you so can veto accordingly. I have instructions here how to order vegetarian okonomiyaki easily.
The late starts
It’s really inconvenient how late the mornings start out here. The department stores and many tourist attractions ( sometimes including parks) don’t often open until 11am. I don’t know about you… but by 11am my kiddies need lunch and I’ve been up for 5 hours!
So I need to do my research and make sure we do the local parks and attractions that do open early in the day. The good news if you’re night owls – everything is open really late ! You can hit a department store at 9pm !
Learning how to use parks and playgrounds
This was a mindset reset for me but I’ve heard it’s not uncommon for many parents to have to do this around the world. As many Japanese homes do not have backyards or gardens for kids to play – playgrounds and parks are more important than ever before when you have small kids in Japan. I speak about it in my advice on choosing a home in Japan but it is important to make sure you residential address in Japan is nice and close to a station, a supermarket (not just a convenience store) AND a park (preferably with a playground.). Japanese local playgrounds can be amazing and some might be a bit more on the sad side so it’s a good idea to choose carefully. Here is a link to my favourite inner city park in Tokyo for kids and here is a link to my favourite retro playground options too.
Remember that there is a big central park in the middle of Shinjuku and also Yoyogi Park in the Harajuku/Shibuya area.
For play spaces for kids to just be kids I also really really recommend leaning into local markets and festivals- see The Tokyo Weekender for this type of info. As well as playcentres and children’s museums and art exhibitions.
Rainy Season
We moved here in rainy season so maybe that’s why it felt extra tricky.
I didn’t believe that it would really rain for that many days in a row. It did.
….So that rules out outdoor activities but at least it’s nice and warm, right?
If you’re on vacation in Japan I recommend not letting the rain stop you from doing too much (even Tokyo Disneyland and Tokyo Disneysea in the rain has its benefits!)
My husband and daughter get eaten alive by mosquitoes at this time of year so we are learning to be vigilant with closing windows and doors as much as possible and slathering on mosquito repellant too.
So yes – pack insect repellant! (I haven’t found any brands I love here.) For ideas on other things to pack read HERE.
With little kids, the best thing I do every rainy season is purchase an inflatable pool on Amazon Japan. Then they can still cool down and get a wriggle without leaving the house. In fact I think it was our first piece of “furniture” I purchased when we moved to Tokyo!! And I just keep repurchasing new pools when the old ones get bitten passed their used by date.
I actually have a pinterest list of rainy day ideas as my go to. (These are my favourites.) We try to have a bag ready and run outside the minute the rain stops for even a moment.
….and when the weather is a bit chillier the pool is the playgym (note the anti-head-donking cushions.)
If you live in Tokyo you’ll have free access to your local community centre (jidoukan) kids playing space. PLEASE NOTE THIS IS ONLY FOR THOSE LIVING IN JAPAN – NOT TOURISTS.
We spent lots of rainy days here and, in fact, it’s where my baby boy learnt to crawl.
Then we also try and get crafty when we are housebound too. Using with my (oops) online shopping boxes. It’s amazing how imaginative you can be when it’s been a while since you left the house…….
And then… sometimes we just go with it. It’s still so warm that we just throw on ponchos and jump in all the puddles we can – then come home for a bath.
